The Food & Boring Bovine of Bruges

The Food & Boring Bovine of Bruges

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"... at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn't be in fuckin' Bruges. But then, like a flash, it came to me. And I realized, fuck man, maybe that's what hell is: the entire rest of eternity spent in fuckin' Bruges. And I really really hoped I wouldn't die. I really really hoped I wouldn't die."  - Ray, In Bruges * * * After Olivier and I had molded Play-Doh into poop, it was time to go with our friends to Bruges. I had been to Belgium before - briefly. A couple of years ago, we made a quick run there to eat some fries, buy some chocolate and grab a case of assorted Belgian beers. You know, important stuff. Why else would anyone go to Belgium?Oh... right. Sightseeing and other touristy shit. We hadn't done that, so it was time to go to the wild, loose, medieval city of Bruges.When we arrived, we found an enormous...
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The Minutiae of Carniverous Plants & Road Trips

The Minutiae of Carniverous Plants & Road Trips

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"I think writers need windows on a view to remind them that a whole world is out there, not the minutiae with which they might be dealing on a close scale." - Anne McCaffrey.It just occurred to me that it has been a little while since I've posted anything here.Of course, that isn't because I've run out of things to say - I've actually got a list of topics sitting next to me that I'll be bitching about in the future, but the thing is... I just don't feel like it right now.I don't read many other blogs.  The reason being, I can't stand to read about the minutiae of other people's lives.  I admit, I just don't fucking care.  Blogs written by new mothers about each time their brand new larvae shits, blogs supposedly written by someone's fucking cat or anything written by someone who has absolutely nothing to say, but just needs attention from strangers on...
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The Birthday Mud Jump

The Birthday Mud Jump

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"I think I can make it," I said, taking a few steps back.Olivier was looking down at the small stream. "Are you sure?" He laughed, just a little. "It's kind of far. It might be too far to jump. We can find another way around it.""No way," I said, taking a few more steps back. "I just need a running start.""Okay," he said, shrugging. I watched him as he stepped across the water and mud. "You're sure, now? I can help you across, you know.""Nah... fuck that," I said. "It's no more than 3 feet. I can do it."I stood there in my pajamas, in the middle of the forest. It was Olivier's birthday and we decided to take a detour through the forest before going to the bakery to pick up his cake.I took a look around, too see if there were any possible eyewitnesses in the forest before I made my daring leap.There was no one besides Olivier...
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Annoying Americans, Volume 3 – Ordering Food

Annoying Americans, Volume 3 – Ordering Food

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
Ok, so imagine this: a group of people that you don't know come over to your house for dinner.  They don't speak your language very well - they expect you, as the host, to comprehend everything that they say.  They point & pantomime, occasionally spitting out a few words that you can understand.This group of strangers gag when they see the food that you set before them.  They balk in their foreign tongue & ask for other food items that you've never heard of, as those things exist only in their country.They're obnoxious, rude & don't understand what the problem is.Of course, the problem could be that they're naturally assholian, but it's more likely that they're just ignorant.Which is worse?  Um... does it matter?I've seen this happen here in Paris.  It's fucking painful to watch.  American tourists in restaurants & cafés who haven't the slightest clue about ordering food in France. To be fair, it can be confusing.  However, I've...
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Cheddar, Chorizo & Corned Beef…Oh, my!

Cheddar, Chorizo & Corned Beef…Oh, my!

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"Are you sure that there isn't anywhere that we can find Cheddar?"Olivier looked up at me, rubbing his beard.  "I think the closest place is England," he said."You're hilarious," I said."Why?  What is that you want to make?""Mexican food," I said.  "I've had a craving for it ever since I moved here.  In Colorado, I could just go to a Mexican restaurant, but there is a sad shortage of Mexicans here.""Oh."  Olivier shrugged.  "Well, I'm sure that we can find some sort of substitution."That was about 2 1/2 years ago.  Since then, I've become an expert at fusion cooking.  It started with a taco salad.  No sour cream to go on top.  Instead, I had to use crème fraîche.  Since I had no grated Cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese, I had to use Cantal.We found some taco seasoning & salsa in the fancy section of the grocery store, where all of the imported food is kept, like peanut butter &...
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Ketchup, Indiana & Buffalo – Hold the Eggs

Ketchup, Indiana & Buffalo – Hold the Eggs

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually waste away, and eventually die." -Mark Twain, 'A Tramp Abroad'"Americans can eat garbage, provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup, mustard, chili sauce, Tabasco sauce, cayenne pepper, or any other condiment which destroys the original flavor of the dish." -Henry Miller...It's strange the everyday things you find yourself wanting when they stop being everyday things.  For the past 3 years, I've found myself wanting every single day.Cool Ranch flavor Doritos.  Arby's Beef & Cheddar.  Sour cream.  New York style cheesecake.  Welch's grape jelly that tastes like purple.You know, American food.Olivier is frequently on the look out for American grocery stores & restaurants in a never-ending effort to keep me & my food cravings under control.One of the first "American" restaurants I had tried in Paris was the Indiana Café, which claims to be a Tex-Mex restaurant.Of course,...
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