Flirtation & Fashion Shows in the Produce Section

Flirtation & Fashion Shows in the Produce Section

I was having lunch with a couple of French friends when the subject of grocery shopping came up.  One might expect that walking into a store, looking for food & paying for it would basically be the same from one place to another.Basically, that's true.  Basically.What surprised them was when I mentioned the fact that on occasion, an American shopper might be hit on in the grocery store.  Of course, we all know that the frozen food aisle isn't exactly ladies' night with half off Tequila shooters, but it does happen.  There's even a movie about it, though I won't be surprised if you haven't seen it.I told my friends about an incident that took place about 10 years ago.  I was in the soup aisle of King Soopers trying to make a serious decision between Progresso & Wolfgang Puck.  Unshowered, in dirty sweatpants & T-shirt, all I cared about at that moment was the can of soup that would...
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Becoming a Germaphobe

Becoming a Germaphobe

I used to laugh at germaphobic freaks like me.  I'd see them with their Lysol, alcohol pads & sanitizing gel, talking about "that bug that's been going around" & I would shake my head & laugh.Paranoid freaks.Sitting at my desk, in the office where I worked, I'd watch my coworkers as they passed around a can of Lysol.  "Keep that shit away from me," I'd tell them.  When someone would offer me an alcohol pad to wipe the germs away from the receiver of my phone, I would reply with a "thanks, but I like my phone dirty".I was a drinking, pack-a-day smoker, happily surrounded by millions of dirty microscopic organisms & I enjoyed watching my coworkers sniff, sneeze & hack among the sound of misting Lysol.Not because I'm that sadistic, but because I never got sick.Then I moved to Paris.Once I moved to Paris, I moved about the city the same way as millions of other Parisians: public transportation. ...
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Mont Saint Michel

Mont Saint Michel

Not long after I moved to France, I had French friends & relatives telling me about Mont Saint Michel."Have you been?""Um... no, not yet," I'd say."Oh, it is so beautiful - you really must go."After I had been in France for about a year, Olivier & I returned from a trip to Normandy."So, did you visit Mont Saint Michel?""Er, uh... well, no... not yet.""Next time!  Next time, you must go."People kept talking about it.  Everyone that had been there agreed on one thing: this place was fucking awesome & had to be seen.  I started to feel like such lame-ass for not having seen it yet.Eventually, upon making another visit to Normandy, I got the chance.Now, on the wee tiny island of Mont Saint Michel, as you can see behind these two stunning tourists, is a tiny, uh... mountain. (Sorry, I'm from Colorado. My people tend to be snobs when it comes to what constitutes an actual mountain.) At the...
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France: The Land of Haute & Hilarious Cuisine

France: The Land of Haute & Hilarious Cuisine

When I first moved to France a little over 4 years ago, I was immediately enamored with the food.  I'm sure that's hardly a surprise.  I mean, this is the country that invented haute cuisine, chefs, bistros & the words "restaurant" & "gourmet".French dishes from various regions are known far & wide outside of France's borders: foie gras, escargot, cassoulet, bouillabaisse, crepes & croque monsieur.Everyone knows about Brie & Bleu Cheese.  Grocery stores in the U.S. sell Herbes de Provence.  Any idiot knows what a croissant is.The point is, these people are not fucking around when it comes to the food.  It's an art; it's one of life's greatest pleasures & should be enjoyed.  It isn't just a means of survival or fuel - it's a way of life.However, while America eats itself to death, it's only natural for the fat of that land to spread.  Little bits of American culture can be seen everywhere & France is no exception. ...
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Pride and Profanity

"I'm not gonna say anything inspirational; I'm just gonna fucking swear a lot." ~ Billie Joe Armstrong * If you're easily offended, turn back now. I'm giving you this warning not because I care about your feelings, but because I don't want to deal with your pissing and moaning regarding your wounded sensibilities. I'm giving you this warning because I say what I want to and find the whining of those who feel it is their duty to police others' language to be petty and irritating. That being said, if you're going to lose your shit over a few F-Bombs, close your browser now, or forever shut the hell up about it. I've had it brought to my attention in the fairly recent past that I use a lot of profanity in my writing. While this has come from a few different places and didn't really surprise me much, it was pointless to tell me about it. I'm well aware of the fact that this blog...
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