International Internet Dating: Poop, Pajamas and Paris

International Internet Dating: Poop, Pajamas and Paris

It was about 5 years ago. I was sitting in my apartment, writing in the dark, chain-smoking and getting drunk. I wasn't lonely, but I was. I had recently been dumped. Part of me was pissed. Part of me didn't give a shit. Another part of me wanted to be alone. Another part of me didn't.I briefly tried dating. I sucked at it. I wasn't into it. Asshole that I am, I sometimes didn't even show up for a date.Those online personal ads and dating sites kind of freaked me out. Sifting through people from the intoxicated comfort of my own home was somewhat appealing. I didn't have to sober up or bother with changing out of my dirty pajamas with the food stains running down the front.The problem was - I don't know if you've noticed - but there’s a lot of goddamn freaks on those sites. Sure, you might meet a normal one, but for every regular person...
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The “Fuck It” Method for Fleeing the Country

Just in case any of you have ever thought that you might like to flee the country & live elsewhere, I've decided to share with you my own, patented 10-point system to make it happen.1. Stop dating. Dates are horrible rituals that feel more like an audition, anyway. Fuck that - start dating online. The best way is to find someone in another country so that you don't have to go out to dinner or movies or any of that shit with them.2. After about a year of emails, phone calls & trips overseas, begin the process of inundating yourself with a bunch of bullshit paperwork & red tape to bring your foreigner to the United States.3. Decide, "fuck that" when it becomes too much work. Discover that it's easier for an American to go to another country than it is for a foreigner to come to the states. Remind yourself that the more distance between you & Bush, the...
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