anxiety

A few months ago, I was hanging alone with a sandwich while watching Atypical on Netflix. In the season 2 episode, "A Nice, Neutral Smell," the main character, Sam, who is autistic, attends his sister's track meet. Standing in the bleachers, a girl in front of him turns her head back and forth, her ponytail whipping Sam in the face. After he's smacked a few times, Sam seizes the ponytail and doesn't let go until his father intervenes.Sure, this happens because of Sam's autism. He doesn't have the same concept of social norms that neurotypicals do. The thing is, when I watched this scene, I nearly spat sandwich all over my living room because I was cheering. More than once in my life, I've wanted to do exactly what Sam did.Sitting next to strangers in public can be stressful. Some instances are mentally and emotionally taxing, detracting from the experience of whatever it is you're trying to do. Maybe it's...

Here's a scenario I've lived through more than once and will likely experience again one day: I'm having dinner with a small group of people, chiming in only occasionally because I prefer to focus on my food and listen to everyone else. Without warning, someone says my name and proceeds to ask me questions about writing. Have I been writing? What have I been writing? Tell us about it what's it about and when can they read it and oh for fuck's sake Brenda why can't you just leave me alone with this goddamn chicken leg?I know, I know. Brenda is only making conversation and is trying to include me. She doesn't mean any harm. She is a person with a fairly developed set of social skills. But, for me, this scenario, and variations of it, are painful. Not physically, of course, but in a way that makes me want roll up like a pill bug and disappear under the...

Tag: anxiety

Self-Promotion vs. Self-Sabotage: The Weird Balancing Act of Being a Writer With Anxiety