13 Mothers of Invention

1.  Sybilla Masters – d.1720

Sybilla was an American colonist back in the day. Now and then, the native population would give the colonists the gift of corn – you know, as opposed to baking them pies. Sybilla invented a mill that would clean and grind the corn, which allowed the colonists to use it for various food and clothing products. Sybilla’s husband Thomas was granted a patent for the mill in 1715 by the British courts. Thomas Masters actually held two patents on behalf of his wife, since women and minorities had no right to own a patent, because who in the fuck did they think they were, anyway? Sybilla was the first American woman inventor in documented history, but it’s a pretty safe bet that women have been inventing and getting shafted on the credit since the beginning of time.

2.  Mary Dixon Kies – 19th Century

In 1809, Mary was issued a patent for inventing a process for weaving straw with silk or thread. She was the first woman in the U.S. to receive a patent in her own name and she gave the hat industry quite a boost, as well. Her invention made those stylish work bonnets more affordable. I don’t think I have to tell you how important that is.

3.  Mary Brush – 19th Century

Um… Mary Brush invented the corset. Yeah, that thing uncomfortable enough that it could have been invented by a man. A cruel man. Well, congrats on the whole getting a patent thing, anyway.

4.  Ada Byron Lovelace – 1815-1851

This woman is well-known to nerds everywhere. Okay, well maybe not as much as Princess Leia in a gold bikini, but still… pretty well known. Ada is the daughter of Lord Byron, but had no interest at all in becoming a poet like her father, choosing instead to go the way of the geek. It’s all more complex than I feel like getting into, but the gist is that Ada developed a system for calculating numbers that basically became the first computer program. Ada wrote a paper in 1843 stating that a machine might be used to compose complex music, to produce graphics, and would be used for both practical and scientific use. Yeah… she was geeking on computer programming before computers. Beat that. In 1979, software language developed by the U.S. Department of Defense was named “Ada” in her honor. Super geeky.

5.  Martha J. Coston – b.1826

Martha’s husband was a naval scientist who had the idea to build a pyrotechnic flare. He died without developing his idea, leaving behind only a rough sketch of the flare. Martha improved upon his original idea & developed a system of elaborate flares called “Night Signals.”  While Martha received the patent for the invention, she still credited her husband and later sold the patent to the U.S. Navy for $5,000.

6.  Helen Augusta Blanchard – 1840-1922

It seems that Helen had a thing for sewing machines. During her lifetime, she managed to hold a total of 28 patents, 22 of which pertained to sewing and sewing machines. It kind of makes me think that I maybe could have paid more attention during Home Ec. class, but it was too boring.

7.  Mary Walton

In Manhattan, during the Industrial Revolution, factories began to spew smog all over the place. Mary decided that the shit was nasty and patented a device to minimize the amount of smoke emissions from the factories’ smokestacks. Once she’d dealt with that nuisance, she called bullshit on the noise pollution problem. She went down to her basement with a model train set, some tar, cotton, a box and some sand and the came back up with a device to cut down on the sound of those damn clanging trolleys.

8.  Sarah Breedlove (Madam C.J.) McWilliams Walker – 1867-1919

Sarah Walker was born into poverty in Louisiana. When she began to suffer from an affliction of the scalp that caused all of her hair to fall out, she invented a product known as “Madam Walker’s Wonderful Hair Grower.” Yeah, I’ve never heard of it either, but that isn’t the point. What is the point is the fact that following her creation of the product, Sarah changed her name to Madam C.J. Walker, started a lucrative cosmetics business, with Walker schools and everything. Her invention led to her being the first known African-American woman to become a self-made millionaire – yeah, before Oprah.

9.  Blanche Ames Ames – 1878-1969

Blanche Ames was big into birth control. She was the co-founder of the Birth Control League of Massachusetts and when birth control was banned, Blanche said, “fuck that shit” and responded by teaching women how to mix up spermicidal jelly in the kitchen. She also instructed them on how to MacGyver a diaphragm by using such everyday objects as a baby’s teething ring. Later, during World War II, she invented and received the patent for a method of trapping the propellers of low-flying enemy airplanes using strings held by balloons. Blanche also applied herself to the cause of developing a larger, more disease-resistant turkey. Um… yeah. Not sure how that one worked out.

10.  Lillian Moller Gilbreth – 1878-1972

Lillian Gilbreth was an industrial engineer for General Electric, working to improve kitchen designs. If you have a kitchen, then it’s likely that one of her inventions is sitting in it. Those pedal operated flip-top lids on the trash can, the shelves in the door of the fridge… that’s all Lillian’s doing. Lillian was a pioneer in ergonomics and the mother of 12 kids. It seems that she didn’t mix up batches of spermicide in the kitchen like some people. In fact, if you’ve ever seen the movie Cheaper by the Dozen, then you already know about her – it’s the story of her family. Uh… the original one, not the Steve Martin remake.

11.  Beulah Henry – 1887-1973

Beulah Henry was an inventing machine. Throughout the course of her life, she came up with 110 different inventions and held 49 patents. She has been referred to by many people as “Lady Edison,” which some staunch feminists take offense to, while other people just don’t give a shit. All I know is that she makes me feel fucking lazy, seeing as how I haven’t even taken a shower today.

12.  Anna Keichline – 1889-1943

You know how some TV shows have a sad guy living alone in a tiny apartment with a bed that folds into the wall? Well, those beds were invented by Anna Keichline, among various other things. Anna was also the first female architect registered in the state of Pennsylvania in addition to repairing her own automobile, serving as a special agent with military intelligence during World War I, and marching for a woman’s right to vote. I think I love her.

13.  Ellen Eglui – 19th Century

Ellen Eglui was an African-American woman living in Washington D.C.  In 1888, she invented a clothes wringer for washing machines. Her invention was a major improvement in washing technology and greatly improved the general hygiene of the population. Instead of holding a patent for the device, or selling the rights for a nice sum of cash, Ellen sold the patent rights for $18. Her reason for this was, “You know I am black and if it was known that a Negro woman patented the invention white ladies would not buy the wringer, I was afraid to be known because of my color, in having it introduced into the market, that is the only reason.”