13 Stinky French Cheeses

As one might expect, moving to France required me to learn a few things.  First of all, I’ve had to learn to speak French – which I don’t do all that well.  However, I’ve also had to learn about hundreds of stinky cheeses.  My French speaking may need some work, but I do speak “fromage” very well… & let’s face it – here in France, that might actually be more important.

* * *

1 – Bleu d’Auvergne

Bleu d’Auvergne is produced in the Massif Central between Puy-de-Dôme and Cantal.  A cheese producer back in 1854 found some mold on his bread & thought to himself, “Hey, I bet this shit would be great if I mixed it with some cheese.”  Kind of like the chocolate & peanut butter guy, but with mold instead of chocolate & cheese instead of peanut butter.

2 – Cantal

Cantal is hard to semi-hard cheese from the Cantal region of France.  It’s one of the oldest cheeses in France & since I’m not able to find Cheddar cheese here, I’ve found that Cantal cheese is actually pretty good on a taco.

3 – Comté

Comté is another very old cheese & comes from the Jura region.  Evidently, it is forbidden to sell any grated cheese under the Comté name.  No problem.  I bring it home, grate it… & put it on a taco.

4 – Reblochon

The name “Reblochon” actually comes from the verb “reblocher”, which as I’m sure you all know means “to pinch a cow’s udder again”.  If that doesn’t make you want to try it, then we’re not even speaking the same language.

5 – Roquefort

The legend (yes, there is a legend) of Roquefort cheese goes like this: some horny teenager was eating some bread & sheep cheese.  In the distance, he spotted some hot chick & naturally decided to chase after her.  Like most teenagers, he stashed his lunch in a cave for later.  When he came back, delicious mold had grown all over his cheese, which is good for the rest of us, because that moldy cave cheese is pretty freaking good.

6 – Saint Nectaire

Saint Nectaire (pronounced san-neck taire) is another cheese from the Auvergne region of central France.  It has a strong smell a little like a damp cellar filled with hay.  A yummy delicious damp cellar filled with hay.

7 – Camembert

In 1791, a cheese producer in Normandy named Marie Harel was given the “secret” of Camembert production by a priest.  Years later, a painter named Salvador Dali was outside on a hot day with a half-eaten lump of Camembert cheese melting in the sun.  The runny, stinky cheese gave him the idea to paint melting clocks.  “The Persistance of Memory” is Dali’s most famous painting.  If you squint, it kind of looks like a melting clock.

8 – Tomme de Savoie

This one comes from the Savoie valley in the French Alps & actually, doesn’t have an overwhelming funk or a profoundly strong taste.  It simply is.  But, um… maybe you don’t want to put it on a taco.

9 – Ossau Iraty

Ossau in the valley of Bearn and Iraty in the forests of the Pays Basque combine to make this cheese.  It’s another one that doesn’t have a powerful odor or taste, but that isn’t the best part.  The best part is that if you’re lactose intolerant, this one is safe to eat without having to take any of those fucking Lactaid pills.  How awesome is that?

10 – Rocamadour

Goat cheese is awesome.  It’s one of my favorites.  Well, if it’s like this one – dry & smelling kind of like old, warm milk.  You know, as opposed to the runny goat cheeses with the rind of hairy blue mold.

11 – Munster au Cumin

First of all, it’s “Munster”, not “monster”.  Ok, I’m glad we’ve had that little talk.  Monks back in the 12th century created Munster since they weren’t allowed to eat any meat.  Bummer.  It’s got a rather strong taste, but the cumin balances it out & creates an added deliciousness.  However, the smell is pungent… especially after leaving in the fridge for about a week.

12 – Raclette

This one actually originated in Switzerland, but is now produced in France & even in the U.S.  Most of the time, it’s melted with fire or a special Raclette grill.  Then the melted cheese is scraped onto your plate (racler meaning “to scrape”) usually to be eaten with potatoes, prosciutto & pickles.  A little like eating Fondue.  You know, because of the melted cheese & Switzerland… see the connection?

13 – Fourme d’Ambert

Fourme is another one of those delicious moldy cave cheeses.  The legend (yes, another cheese legend) says that Fourme d’Ambert was already being eaten during the time of the Gauls & the Druids.  It’s actually rather creamy & isn’t as strong or smelly as it may look.  Eating something with spores on it only sounds gross… really, it isn’t.  Penecillin spores are actually quite tasty.