Let me tell you about an enlightening conversation that I had with one of the humans recently. Let me tell you – we should all be grateful for people like this.

Several flaws in my thinking, appearance and character were brought to my attention by this incredibly astute individual and the very least that I could do is share the infinite wisdom and advice that I was given on to the rest of you:

1. The world is a superficial place; it will do you an incredible amount of good to start caring more about what others think of you.

2. It is very important and makes life much easier if you make a sincere effort to be more like everyone else.

3. Looks and appearances do matter, they are important…no one really cares about what is on the inside.

4. Nobody cares about your ideals; they are meaningless.

Oh, so now you’re asking, “Why in the hell should we all be grateful for people like this?”

Well…I’ll tell you: because if crass, ignorant shallow fools like this were not roaming the earth, we would never be given this priceless lesson in what not to be. The right thing to do is pity these poor lumps of shit – they’re insecure, they don’t know any better and their asses are a water-tight seal that most likely causes an incredible amount of discomfort. That is sad.

Now, if you really want to be happy, then just remember…

1. The world is a superficial place; it will not do you a damn bit of good to care what others think of you.

2. You are a walking lump of thoughts, feelings and emotions that belong to you and you alone; you are not everyone else, so don’t even try to be – you’ll just end up feeling like a morose jackass. Conformity does not create greatness.

3. If someone puts a higher sense of importance on your appearance rather than what you really are, then they don’t really care about you, they don’t like themselves and don’t feel very good about themselves. The best way to handle these types is to point and laugh. For some added fun, you can throw things at them while mocking their insecurities.

4. Plenty of people have been told that their thoughts and ideals are meaningless. Just to pull a few names out of my ass, we could start with Ghandi, Lennon, or Einstein. Maybe not good examples among the shallow contingent…I realize that. But then again, their comprehension levels are much lower than those of us with meaningless ideals.

The point? No one remembers another carbon copy in the crowd. Imitation is flattery, but it’s the original that we remember.

But…you do what you want.