International Internet Dating: Poop, Pajamas and Paris

International Internet Dating: Poop, Pajamas and Paris

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
It was about 5 years ago. I was sitting in my apartment, writing in the dark, chain-smoking and getting drunk. I wasn't lonely, but I was. I had recently been dumped. Part of me was pissed. Part of me didn't give a shit. Another part of me wanted to be alone. Another part of me didn't.I briefly tried dating. I sucked at it. I wasn't into it. Asshole that I am, I sometimes didn't even show up for a date.Those online personal ads and dating sites kind of freaked me out. Sifting through people from the intoxicated comfort of my own home was somewhat appealing. I didn't have to sober up or bother with changing out of my dirty pajamas with the food stains running down the front.The problem was - I don't know if you've noticed - but there’s a lot of goddamn freaks on those sites. Sure, you might meet a normal one, but for every regular person...
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My Clock Can Wait for Uncontrolled Pooping

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
There comes a time in a marriage when people will begin asking about your plans to start breeding.  That time generally falls somewhere between saying "I do" & cutting the cake.Once they've started asking, they won't stop.  "So, when are you going to start having kids?"  Their eyes are blinking rapidly, focused on you, waiting for an answer.What is the correct response to this one?  Do I tell them when we'll be having our next sexy fun time?  Do I present a chart with my ovulation cycle?  For fuck's sake...I'm still in my wedding dress.There's only one thing to do - drink heavily throughout the duration of the reception.Damn.  Only one problem.  It doesn't stop after the reception."But your clock is ticking, you know."  Now, that's tact.  I'm 35.  My clock isn't a major concern for me right now.  I should punch you in the spine.Is that what marriage is?  Get the piece of paper & start pushing out larvae...
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Sinners, Marriage & Mockery

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
“I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints Sinners are much more fun...” -Billy Joel ◊ So there was this woman that was living in sin – yeah, you know what that means – the avoidance of matrimony, holy or otherwise, and she had the nerve to live under the same roof with a man. “I don’t know if he’s the one," she said.“I’m not ready for that,” she said.Of course the parents that she was stuck with – the ones that she never saw – didn’t approve of this one bit.“It goes against the Bible," they said.“We don’t know what to tell our friends," they said.Well, this woman just went on living her life because she knew that trying to please them was a waste of time and would only create misery for herself. She was selfish like that.She cared even less about their Bible or their friends. She was an asshole like that.“You should really think about marriage,” her stepmother...
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