These Days, I’m Totally Cool With Being a Goat-Eating White Trash Princess Barbie

These Days, I’m Totally Cool With Being a Goat-Eating White Trash Princess Barbie

If I were ranking each decade of my life, my 40s would have the top score. It's a comfortable place of knowing myself better than ever before, and full-blown adulthood is an achievement that brings rewards previously unimagined. It's a strange time of contradictions where I give fewer shits, but care more deeply. I still feel outrage and anger, but find that it isn't channeled the same way, and is focused on different targets. I'm wiser, but am still learning and pay attention to the lessons with greater awareness. I'm better equipped to know which battles to fight, and which to let go. And why.In 2003, the couple living next door began calling me "Barbie" soon after we met. I'm like a Barbie doll, they say. I shake my head, and tell them they're wrong. I love hanging out with these two women. We open the doors of our apartments and sit on the steps, the three of us drinking...
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The Airplane Personality Test

The Airplane Personality Test

I hate flying. When I was a kid, I traveled by plane often, as many children of divorced parents do. Back then, it was a fun & exciting adventure. Because I was a wee one traveling alone, I received special attention. The flight attendant would bring me a little plastic pin with wings on it. "A gift from the captain," they'd say.I'd read my books & listen to my Walkman. The person sitting next to me was always nice. Or, at least quiet & polite.Over time, things changed. I got bigger. My legs grew longer. My patience, shorter.I take more international flights now. The airlines have changed, too. Now there's a lot more seats crammed into a single airplane in order to squeeze more money out of every flight.Flying anywhere -- even a 2 or 3-hour flight -- has become a fucking ordeal that one must survive, rather than a fun & exciting adventure. It's no longer the happy beginning...
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When Forgiveness is Worse Than a Flaming Bag of Poo

When Forgiveness is Worse Than a Flaming Bag of Poo

"Religion is like a pair of shoes: find one that fits for you, but don't try to make me wear your shoes.” - George Carlin.“Anybody who wants religion is welcome to it, as far as I'm concerned--I support your right to enjoy it. However, I would appreciate it if you exhibited more respect for the rights of those people who do not wish to share your dogma, rapture, or necrodestination.” - Frank Zappa“One's own religion is after all a matter between oneself and one's Maker and no one else's.” - Kahlil Gibran *** This is something I don't enjoy writing about. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth; leaves me feeling dirty, like I need a Silkwood shower & a couple of shots of Jameson to burn it all away. In fact, while I was planning on sitting down today to write a blog post, I had a completely different & unrelated topic in mind. Something a bit lighter. Something less...
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