Living on the Periphery of Terrible Things

Living on the Periphery of Terrible Things

It's been a week since Hell hit Paris, and those French flag profile pics on social media are already starting to go away. They won't vanish as swiftly as they appeared. They'll decrease in number, little by little, just like those rainbows from a few months ago. Those rainbows made me happy. I enjoyed opening up my timeline and seeing the burst of color. We'd fought for equality and won. This is how we shout things from the rooftops, now. This was our happiness, translated to small, digital images.Of course, seeing some people ranting about the greatness of the Confederate flag from a rainbow profile made it clear that many didn't give a shit about (or comprehend) equality as much as they do following the photo filter herd while screeching about what they want.Yeah, I got cynical. I forced myself to focus on those I knew were genuinely shouting with pure joy, and I felt better.When the French flag filter...
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French Table Manners

French Table Manners

From time to time, I'll read blogs and articles that have been written by other expats living in France. Some of these people are "travel experts." Others are people who have visited Paris once or twice. Many are expats like myself.One topic that always seems to come up is French table manners. It seems that many Americans are confused about French table manners and possibly, even a bit intimidated.That's silly. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's just people eating food. And besides, they've done away with the guillotine over here.I am not a travel expert (what the hell does that mean, anyway?) and I'm not snobbish enough to have earned the joy of having an etiquette stick shoved up my ass, but I likely know more than the average tourist and my opposable thumbs have allowed me to use a knife and fork for the past few years without a major incident. There are a few things I've read...
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Annoying Americans, Volume 3 – Ordering Food

Annoying Americans, Volume 3 – Ordering Food

Ok, so imagine this: a group of people that you don't know come over to your house for dinner.  They don't speak your language very well - they expect you, as the host, to comprehend everything that they say.  They point & pantomime, occasionally spitting out a few words that you can understand.This group of strangers gag when they see the food that you set before them.  They balk in their foreign tongue & ask for other food items that you've never heard of, as those things exist only in their country.They're obnoxious, rude & don't understand what the problem is.Of course, the problem could be that they're naturally assholian, but it's more likely that they're just ignorant.Which is worse?  Um... does it matter?I've seen this happen here in Paris.  It's fucking painful to watch.  American tourists in restaurants & cafés who haven't the slightest clue about ordering food in France. To be fair, it can be confusing.  However, I've...
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Annoying Americans, Volume 1 – Blending In

Annoying Americans, Volume 1 – Blending In

There's a strange phenomenon that occurs after living in France even for a very short time.  It's a little odd, but it does happen.It doesn't take very long, but eventually, you can forget how to speak English.Now, don't get the wrong idea.  Maybe what you're thinking is, "Wow...being immersed in the French language can actually push English right out of your brain?"Of course that isn't what I mean.  Don't be asinine.  Besides, what kind of dolt forgets their native language like that?Here's an example:One not so very interesting day, I decided to take my camera & go for a stroll through the Montmartre Cemetery.  I'm all alone & searching for the grave of Degas.  I'm having no luck, so I head back to entrance so that I can take a gander at the map.That's when I saw them.  The four of them were wearing matching T-shirts that read "Paris", all spelled out in glitter.  They were wearing their matching backpacks,...
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